Mischief Watching Thor
by Lord Jake the Warrior
Summary: 'The God of Mischief and his adopted son sat down, conjured some popcorn out of thin air, and pressed play.' Loki and Haddock watch Thor. Hilarity ensues.


_**Asgard**_

"Father!"

Loki looked up at his youngest son as he took shape in the fire of his hall. Haddock did not look particularly anxious, or worried. Instead he looked… amused?

"Yes Haddock?"

"You… You have to see this!"

"What?" Loki inquired, intrigued. Haddock would never play pranks on him. Others, yes, especially with his winter spirit friend, but not the unofficial God of Practical Jokes.

"It's… It's hilarious!" Haddock said, breaking down into helpless giggles.

"Well then, by all means, bring it here!" Loki demanded, putting aside his qualms. If it was enough to make Haddock, one of the stodgiest people he knew, dissolve into giggles, it must be good.

_**Later…**_

"Thor?" Loki asked, staring at the DVD case in his hands. "Why do I get the feeling that I'm going to enjoy this?"

"Possibly because everyone I've shown it to breaks down laughing?" Haddock said, smirking. "Even Mum."

"You've shown Sigyn this?" Loki asked, frowning. He hadn't noticed that Sigyn had left the house lately.

"Yeah, course." Haddock replied, placing the disk in the machine. Come to think of it, since when did Loki have a DVD player? Or even a TV? "She was laughing her head off. Disappointed that she wasn't in it, but laughing her head off. As was Hel. And Fenris. And Vali. And Narfi."

"You have, essentially, shown it to the whole family?" Loki asked.

"Yep." Haddock confirmed, grinning at his father. "All except you, Slephy and Jorgy. Security doesn't take kindly to people trying to sneak World Serpents and Horses in to watch a movie."

The movie had finally finished loading. The God of Mischief and his adopted son sat down, conjured some popcorn out of thin air, and pressed play.

_The camera panned down from a shot of the starry sky to show a truck in the distance, parked in the middle of the desert swathed in the dark of night, the beams of its headlights the only illumination. At the bottom of the screen it's noted that they're in Puente Antiguo, New Mexico._

"Here we see Dante's Tenth Circle of Hell." Haddock announced grandly.

Loki looked at him suspiciously. "You've got something against New Mexico?"

Haddock shrugged. "There was an incident a couple of years back. Wild horses were involved."

Loki flinched. "Ouch."

"Indeed." Haddock replied.

_The view on screen changes to show the inside of the vehicle where a brunette types something quickly into the laptop in front of her, surrounded by screens and scientific equipment._

_Amongst the various whirring machines sat Erik Selvig, watching the images on the computer. Jane continues to type in information and monitor the screen while the camera moves to show an exasperated Darcy seated in the driver's seat. The headlights on the truck switch off as Jane and Erik clamber to stand up through the sunroof in the back, hauling up a piece of sensory equipment._

"What are they doing?" asked Loki

"Looking for aliens." Haddock said brazenly

"Why?" Loki queried, frowning.

"It's America. It's practically a sport."

_Jane holds a panel which is cycling through data readings, and the two look up at the sky, waiting for something. Erik looks at Jane when nothing happens, and she says, "Wait for it..." She turns her hopeful gaze back to the sky as Darcy sighs and asks if she can turn on the radio, which Jane refuses._

_A few more seconds pass without any activity in the sky, and Erik turns to her and says, "Jane, you can't keep doing this."_

_They both duck back into the truck as she frantically flips through a small notebook, stating in frustration, "The last seventeen occurrences have been predictable to the second."_

"_Jane, you're an astrophysicist, not a storm chaser," Erik protests, Jane checking the monitors again in aggravation._

"There's a difference?" Haddock asked.

"_I'm telling you, there's a connection between these atmospheric disturbances and my research," she argues. The screen switches to show Darcy, who begins to straighten in disbelief at something in the sky as Jane continues, "Erik, I wouldn't have asked you to fly out here if I wasn't absolutely sure." It switches back to Jane to show her disappointment as she leans back, before showing Darcy again as she calls, "Jane, I think you want to see this."_

_Jane turns to look out the window and the clouds are shining in the sky, the darkness dispersing in streaks as green, blue, and pink gleam. "What is that?" she asks, her and Erik scrambling to stand through the sunroof in amazement. The clouds shift and swirl as gold and purple join the array of colours that begin to shine brighter._

"_I thought you said it was a subtle aurora," Erik says in wonder._

"For the Æsir, that is subtle." Loki stated dryly.

"_Go!" Jane urges and Darcy hurriedly starts the engine and drives toward the mass of radiant clouds which are circling faster in the sky. They speed carelessly over bumps as Jane throws herself into the front seat and holds a video camera out the window to document the event. "Get closer," she says._

"Yeah, 'cause that's what I do when I see a sodding tornado." Haddock said. "Get closer."

"_Right, good one," Darcy scoffs._

Loki looked appreciatively at Darcy.

"I like this girl." He said.

Haddock grinned evilly, then snuffed it out once Loki looked at him.

"_Go!" Jane commands again._

_They speed over the hard desert terrain and Jane laughs at the fantastical experience._

"She's laughing maniacally, Dad." Haddock said. "Be very afraid."

_The screen changes to show the event through Jane's camcorder, the swirling mass of clouds registering in yellows and reds though thermo-imaging as it gathers and spirals downwards, crashing into the ground. There's bright pink and purples as well as streaks of black at the impact, the screen switching to show the three in the truck as they gasp and exclaim in amazement at the shockwave that resulted._

Haddock looked curiously at Loki.

"Is that what the Bifrost looks like?" He asked his father.

Loki was still looking at the scene.

"If not," he said "We'd better upgrade it."

_The dark clouds plume outwards at ground level, obscuring the impression on the ground, Darcy slowing the truck as they enter the confusion. She jerks the steering wheel to the left to get some distance between the vehicle and perceived natural disaster, and Jane shrieks, "What are you doing?"_

"Avoiding impending death?" Haddock asked.

_"I am not dying for six college credits!" Darcy yells through the gusts of the storm. Jane leans over and grabs the wheel, jerking it back to the right and towards the churning mass. They alternate emitting short screams as they wrestle for control of the vehicle._

"This is why I never let girls drive me anywhere." Haddock commented.

_Above, thunder crashes and lightning strikes, the vortex gaining momentum as an immeasurable spectrum of colour swirls and beams down within the thick clouds, impacting the earth with a resounding smash and an azure explosion. _

"Seriously," Loki muttered, staring in awe at the scene. "Why do the fictional characters get a better Bifrost then us?"

_Jane strengthens her fight for control of the wheel and wrenches it towards her, before they see a dark shape in front of them. They scream, Darcy slams on the brakes, and the truck swerves, but they still clip the shadowed figure._

There was a moment of silence.

"Did that car just hit the god of thunder?" Loki asked, turning to Haddock.

Haddock struggled to contain his laughter.

"Yep." He answered. "Remember all those times we fantasized about someone figuratively hitting Thor with a truck? Yeah, we shouldn't have done that."

_They spin and skid to a stop in a cloud of sand, all three staring slack-jawed at each other in shock before ripping off their seat belts and jumping out of the truck. They have flashlights in hand as they run to the figure lying on the ground, Darcy stating in defence, "I think that was legally your fault."_

_"Get the first-aid kit," Jane orders as she kneels down, addressing the man's prone form, "Do me a favour and don't be dead."_

"Do us a favour and have amnesia." Loki commented dryly. "It'll be much more entertaining."

_Erik stands and looks on, then a close-up of Jane occupies the screen as she pleads, the lingering wind brushing her hair. The man stirs as the camera zooms out, Erik and Darcy watching him as he lies on the edge of an intricately designed circle._

"Those aren't Norse." Loki said, frowning.

"Nah. More like… Celtic." Haddock said, turning his head upside down.

"Why?" Loki asked.

"Edmund Hillary got it right: 'Because it's there.'" Haddock replied

_Jane looks around at the now cloudless atmosphere and wonders, "Where did he come from?"_

_The screen turns black._

_The screen faded in from black, zooming in on a village at night with small thatched houses clustered together under the shadows of the towering mountains on either side. At the bottom of the screen it was stated that this was Tonsberg, Norway; 965 A.D._

"So… was that a time skip?" Loki asked.

"Hope not. I hate time skips." Haddock replied.

"_Once, mankind accepted a simple truth: that they were not alone in this universe,"__a deep voice intoned._

"Who in the Allfather's name is that?" Loki asked, clasping a hand to his ears. Who knew he had such a good sound system?

Haddock grinned, apparently unaffected. "Funny you should say that, Dad…"

"_Some worlds, man believed to be home to their gods,"__he continued. The screen showed the dirt streets filled with people milling about: men with thick beards moving crates of goods, a young mother and her daughter strolling with smiles as they gazed up at the stars. They all slowed to a stop._

"_Others, they knew to fear."_

_A pale blue swirl of mist howled as it plunged from the clouds above to the ground, the barren land sloping upward to show an army of bare-chested, sapphire skinned giants. "__From a realm of cold and darkness came the Frost Giants,"__he explained, the giant at the front of the legion using the power of a pale, frosty, blue prism to freeze the waters, solidify and crumble the wood of men's boats, and cover the land in cracked, sharp glaciers,__"threatening to plunge the mortal world into a new ice age."__Men, women, and children screamed in panic as they ran, the claws of the ice chasing them until their bodies were overtaken mid-stride to become nothing more than stalagmites of frost. The giants charged and roared, their arms turning into icicles three feet long as they leapt and gored the remaining bodies in their path._

"Gods, I hope the Frost Giants can't do that!" Haddock said vehemently.

_The clouds in the sky shifted again, spinning and descending in a thick mass of grey surrounding infinite beams of bright, overwhelming colour.__"But humanity would not face this threat alone,"__he promised, a tall, sturdy, bearded man standing against the onslaught. He was covered from head to toe in glistening metal armour, a dark, thick cape attached to his shoulders, an aggressive horned helmet with wings bracing the sides sitting atop his head, and a spear in hand. He stood in front of rows upon rows of tall, golden gilded warriors with various weapons in hand, ready to fight._

"When did this happen?" Loki asked. "No one thought to write this down? And… hang on, that's Odin?!"

"Yep. Looks totally different, doesn't he?" Haddock said.

"What in the name of the Æsir compelled them to make him this… young?"

"I never try to understand Hollywood. That's why I'm still sane. But I suppose our approximation of 'Gandalf with an eye patch' wouldn't suit."

_The two forces faced off against each other, the man's sharp blue eyes piercing the lead giant's crimson, before they all at once charged with impassioned war cries. There was the clang of metal and the crackle of ice as they collided, each warrior stabbing, lunging, swinging, swerving, moving to strike any hit that he could for his king. Giants were clubbed, speared, thrown, and men were stabbed, clawed, torn apart._

_The__Jötunn_ _King snarled and swept a wave of ice over those in front of him, shattering them with a triumphant scream. He formed spiked projectiles in his hands out of ice, hurling them so they pierced the skulls of his enemies. Odin, Allfather of the__Æsir,__held out his spear and a stream of molten fire shot out of the tip, tearing and burning the bodies of the giants._

"Does Gleipnir really have an inbuilt laser?" Haddock asked Loki.

Loki shuddered "Can you imagine what Odin could do with it if it did?"

Haddock cocked his head, then shuddered.

"Good point."

"_Our armies drove the Frost Giants back into the heart of their own world,"__Odin concluded the desolate, bleak, and frozen realm of Jötunheim spinning to show the surface, stone pillars and buildings corroded and fallen.__"The cost was great; in the end, their king fell."__Atop a bare, tapered, stone castle a spear was held against the fallen King's throat by Odin, whose right eye was gored and bloody._

"_And the source of their power was taken from them."__A warrior of Odin's guard, armoured and wearing a horned helmet, stepped up to take the carved, pale blue prism from its alter._

"Right," Haddock snorted "'Cause _that's_ not going to bite them in the arse anytime soon."

"_When the last great war ended, we withdrew from the other worlds and returned home,"__he said, the Bifrost a swirl of magnificent colour as it swept from the planet of Jötunheim, through the clouds,__"to the realm eternal: Asgard."__The clouds hovered and swept around the caps of mountains and the open seas surrounding, the mountains approaching until it was clear that the tips of the crags were formed of raw crystals. Then they were upturned, forming the base of the realm._

_Clear, deep waters ebbed between large rocky gorges; tall, cylindrical buildings of rich metals and gold were crafted into the rock faces; lush trees and broad statues dotted the courtyards and gardens; pure, sparkling, rivulets of water poured out of glistening fountains; intricate and decorative machinery floated, spun, and flashed in the light of the sun. A sprawling, golden city of elaborate, overlaid spherical shapes led up to a colossal palace – dozens of cylindrical segments arranged into a pyramid whose tip stretched into the clouds._

_The massive, golden statues of armed, horned warriors lined a concaved walkway where the Æsir meandered into and out of the palace district._

"Wow." Both father and son said simultaneously.

"One question," Haddock asked, staring at Asgard. "Where's the wall?"

Loki frowned, looking at the picturesque view of the Golden City.

"Fair point. Where is the wall? I made a lot of sacrifices for that wall!" he said.

Haddock looked at him "I'm going to tell Slephy you called him a sacrifice."

Loki rolled his eyes. "Not Slephy. Do you have any idea how hard it is to give birth to a horse?"

Haddock winced. "Ouch"

"Indeed."

"_And here we remain as a beacon of hope, shining out across the stars,"__he declared, the view sailing over the peaks of the buildings and the bridges between them._

"_And though we've fallen into man's myths and legends, it was Asgard and its warriors that brought peace to the universe,"__he finished. Odin walked through the dim halls lit by candlelight, his right hand gripped by a young blond wearing a scarlet vest and his left by a raven haired boy wearing green, both with attentive blue eyes._

"Wait…" Loki frowned, looking at the boy in green. "That's… me?"

Haddock sniggered. "Yep. You look so cute."

"No." Loki announced. "No, no nononono. That's not me. That's not me!"

"Why not?" Haddock asked innocently.

"It'll wreck my image!" Loki shouted, standing up. "I mean, really, if I walk up to someone and say 'Tremble before the might of Loki', I want them to sodding tremble, not say 'aw, look how cute you were as a baby!'"

"Could be worse, Dad." Haddock said, sitting back and folding his arms behind his head. "Be thankful you don't know the fan reaction to you in the other movie."

Loki looked at him with trepidation "What fan reaction to what other movie?"

Haddock whispered something in his ear.

Loki went a strange colour of green.

"You mean they really want to… That's disgusting. That's gross, that's unnatural. They think I'm a fucking fictional character, for fuck's sake!"

Haddock grinned.

"I like the use of the word 'unnatural' coming from a guy that gave birth to a horse."

_The Allfather and the two princes stood in front of the pedestal holding the Casket of Ancient Winters, the artefact that The Frost Giant King had used as a weapon to wage war against Midgard. The carved prism still shone a biting blue, but there were wisps of darkness developing – evidence that it was far from its sphere of influence._

"_But the day will come when one of you will have to defend that peace," Odin informed his two children, turning to face them. He was dressed in a sleeveless, stiff, embroidered golden robe over top a black long sleeved shirt and breeches, tucked into boots that came up to his knees. The right eye that he had lost in the war was covered with a patch, the other blue and firm._

"_Do the Frost Giants still live?" the young Loki asked, his voice wavering._

"Stop being a pussy. You're supposed to be the God of fucking Mischief!

"_When I'm king, I'll hunt the monsters down and slay them all!" the young Thor swore, slashing at imagined enemies, prompting a smirk from his younger brother. "Just as you did, father."_

Loki smirked.

"Y'know, maybe I didn't give this movie enough credit. It does more or less capture Thor's attitude at that age. And now, come to think of it."

_Odin gave a small sigh and advised, "A wise king never seeks out war, but," and here he looked to both of his sons, "he must always be ready for it."_

"Interesting philosophy for Odin. Normally it's 'Hit it with a spear. If you're spear breaks, kill it with your sword. If that fails, get Loki'."

_He passed between Thor and Loki, moving back up to the exit of the Weapons' Vault they had descended into. The young boys shared a glance at the words of wisdom and then beamed; racing after their father, passing the stone stand that Mjolnir was resting on._

"_I'm ready, father," Thor claimed while grabbing his right hand._

"_So am I," Loki insisted, taking his left._

_Odin looked down at both of his sons and, squeezing each of their hands in reassurance, said, "Only one of you can ascend to the throne, but both of you were born to be kings."_

_**A/N: So, in the next part of Mischief Book 1, There's a reference to Thor. The dreaded creature of Hell known as the plot bunny attacked with all the grace and subtlety of a Sabre-Toothed Tiger.**_

_**Anyone get the 'winter spirit' reference?**_

_**Norse Mythology Characters Mentioned:**_

_**Loki: Don't know? Get out.**_

_**Sigyn: Loki's Wife**_

_**Hel: Loki's only daughter. Goddess of Death.**_

_**Fenris: Loki's Third Eldest Son. Demonic Wolf. Don't ask me, I don't fucking know.**_

_**Narfi: Loki's Sixth Eldest Son (My Version!). God of the Dark.**_

_**Vali: Loki's Seventh Eldest Son (My Version!).**_

_**Slephy (Sleipnir): Loki's Eldest Son. Also a Horse. Loki's also his mother. Look up the myth; I get nauseous just thinking about it.**_

_**Jorgy (Jormundangr (My Spelling!)): Loki's Second Eldest Son. A giant snake. Boy is this family fucked up.**_


End file.
